At heart, we're all geeks for what we love.
Be it stamps, photography, computers, blogging or whatever. There's a geek in every guy and gal. That said, this weekend was the latest meeting of the Chiller Theatre. It's a stupendous meeting of everything B-list, schlocky, gory, funny and horrific.
Hipsters, motorheads, goths, geeks and nerds unite for this three day convention of peddlers offering their wares and more importantly, the B- and C-listers who attend to sign autographs and meet their fans.
This time out, I was with three buds and one of their wives and the time couldn't be better spent. I mean, really, who doesn't love tailgating in a hotel parking lot, sipping on barely cold Miller Light cans and chowing down on Shop-Rite pretzels? Scoff as you may, but it was a frikkin' blast.
Let's talk about the celebs attending because, let's be real, that's really the only reason why anyone goes. Well, that, and all of the scantily clad chicks walking around with barely nothing on with a dog chain around their neck... That's Chiller. As for all of the bootlegs, one-sheets, tee-shirts and memorabilia? They can all be found on eBay.
Here are some thoughts on the roughly 50 celebs in attendance:
David Arquette (of the Arquette acting dynasty): And more importantly, the dude that Courtney Cox looks as she opens those baby blues. Honestly? I couldn't figure out why the dude was there. Other than the massive "Scream" franchise, what else has there been? Perhaps I'm being unfair since, hell, his line was probably the longest. What's more his imdb resume is hella long. Half of it, however, no one will know; but no one can say the dude doesn't work. I understand he was also producer on wifey's FX series "Dirt" which was a skeevy, yet interesting TV series on the celebrity tabloid biz which probably won't be back. I dug it, though. I think...
Kristy "Old school Buffy" Swanson (of ... hell, who cares? it's Kristy Swanson): In the '80s, their wasn't a teenaged boy alive that wasn't into the All-American sweetness of Kristy Swanson. What a cutie! Need proof? Her one dinky scene in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" was enough to send chills down my 17-year old spine. But alas, flash forward some 20-odd years and well, I'll be kind, we ALL pack on a few pounds. Plus, she also had a child in February so we'll give her six months to battle the scale. -- Then again, she may not want to since there's rumblings that the actress will play Anna Nicole Smith in a biopic of the ill-fated blond bombshell. All in all it was good seeing Kristy, especially seeing the two Joe's I was with lust after her. Brutal honesty? She way too hot to morph into the new Shelly Winters. C'mon, Kristy, we'll give you six months to drop the baby weight and channel your November 2002 self in which you gorgeously graced the pages of Playboy.
Mason Reese (of every '70s commercial known to man): The moppet-like TV tyke who captured our hearts with cutie-pie commercials hawking all sorts of crap. This was TV cuteness before Gary Coleman, Emmanuel Lewis, et al. Here we are almost 30 years and 300 pounds later, the dude looks exactly the same and what's more, rockin' the same colonial haircut. I'm personally holding out for Mikey of LIFE cereal fame. Wait, didn't he die eating Pop Rocks?!
Here's one of Mason's creepy commercials:
And finally ... drum roll, please ...
Eric Roberts (of every cool '80s flick known to man) - Don't mean to cuss but, how fucking cool? A childhood idol of mine, I've been watching the Oscar-nominated thesp since I was a kid. In fact, it was his film "The Pope of Greenwich Village" so-starring Mickey Rourke that pretty much solidified my love for characters, words and the worlds in which they inhabit. As for his demeanor, he couldn't have been cooler with people. I've been to enough of these shows to know when celebs are pretty much phoning it in.
Extremely personable, he smiled at everyone, shook their hands (hope he had some Purell) and gave them what was probably their best Chiller Show moment ever. He looked like he was having a blast. When I gave him my "Pope of Greenwich Village" script to sign, he almost seemed taken aback and asked, "Where'd you get THIS?" I told him that I've had it since the '80s, and truth be told, it was the first script I ever read or bought. In fact, it was the very model that taught me the basic foundations of screenwriting and moreover, my love for movies. To have him sign it was a great moment. For him, I think that maybe it was a relief that there was a fan who remembered his earlier, better-received work than some of the campier films he eventually fell into like "The Best of the Best." But the guy works - 153 films and TV shows.
Back in the early '80s, if there was ever a possible heir to the Brando throne, it was him. Need proof? Just rent"King of the Gypsies," "Raggedy Man," "Runaway Train" and "Star 80" to see.
Check him out here in "Runaway Train" with Jon Voight.
Currently, he's in the NBC smash "Heroes." Here's a video where he's interviewed.
Other "stars" in attendance:
Thomas Jane - A Chiller Show coux (btw, how the hell do you spell this?). He was awesome in "The Punisher" although one of the Joes thought they should've cast someone bulkier. C'mon, Joe, it's about the acting! This dude can act. Check him out in the HBO Mickey Mantle biopic "*52." Tom Jane trivia: He's David Arquette's bro in law. He married to Arquette's sister Patricia.
Margot Kidder - A bonafide train wreck. Proof-positive that she should've paid more attention to all those "this is your brain on drugs" PSAs. There's hope, though. She recently landed on the ABC drama "Brothers & Sisters" so good for her. To me, she'll always be that sultry, smoky-voiced Lois Lane. But damn ...
Martin Kove - Or ... as you all know him, "Sensei" of the Cobra Kai Dojo in "The Karate Kid." Man, was he ever present in his crotch-huggin' pants, sportin' all that frosted hair. Here's a present for all you "Karate Kid" fans. You know who you are...
Until next time,
-- Mogambo
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