IT'S CHILLER TIME: RECAP OF CHILLER THEATER OCT. 24-26

It's Chiller Theater Time once again... Be it stamps, photography, computers, blogging or whatever. There's a geek in us all. That said, this weekend was the latest meeting of the Chiller Theatre. For those who aren't privy, Chiller Theater is a stupendous meeting of everything B-list, schlocky, gory, funny, sci-fi and horrific. Hipsters, motorheads, goths, geeks and nerds unite for this three day convention of peddlers offering their wares and more importantly, the C- to Z- listers who attend to sign autographs and meet their fans.

But let's be real, all of the bootlegs, one-sheets, tee-shirts and memorabilia can be found on eBay. Chiller is about about the celebs attending because that's really the only reason why anyone really goes. Well, that, and all of the scantily clad chicks walking around with barely nothing on with a dog chain around their neck...

That's Chiller...

Here are some thoughts on the roughly 50 celebs in attendance:

NOTE: THESE PICS ARE NOT FROM THE SHOW...

THE SWEATHOGS of "Welcome Back Kotter"

Ron Palillo - Horseshack from "Welcome Back Kotter" looked like, well, horseshit. Every time I looked at him, he looked like he had a sad sort of mope on his face. Maybe it was the smackdown that Screech gave him in Fox's "Celebrity Boxing" in 2002. Palillo, who was introduced as "The Pulverizer," attempted to stare Diamond down, and even shoved him after the fighters had been given their pre-fight instructions. Once the bell rang, however, Diamond was in complete control. Palillo was knocked down twice in round two, and the fight was stopped at the time 1:23 in the same round. Palillo finished the bout with a pair of black eyes.


Robert Hedges - Played Juan Julio de Huevos Epstein, who was part Puerto Rican, part Jewish. He was often late for class and had his trusty note for teacher Mr. Kotter. At first glance, he reminded me of Slash's dumpy older cousin. Wow, that's Juan Epstein. Age is a bitch.

Lawrence-Hilton Jacobs - Best known for the smoothe "Hi there ..." and "Mr. Kottt...er" taglines, the actor who played Freddie 'Boom Boom' Washington was the best preserved of the Sweathogs. Truth be told, none of the trio looked all that excited to be there.

Billy Redden - Who??? You know 'em. One word. Inbred. Okay, two. Banjo kid. Okay, one more. "Deliverance." Ahhh, yes... The freaky banjo kid from one of the freakiest hillbilly horror flicks of all time. Redden now, God only knows how old he is, doesn't look a lick like he did and resembles some old Kentucky cotton poacher. he did, however, have a banjo with him. I wonder if anyone asked him to play it.

Ralph Macchio - Quite possibly the one celeb I was most stoked to meet and I can say with all honesty that I've never met a more underwhelming personality in my life. OK, so I shook his hand twice, he didn't seem thrilled to meet any fans and all I can hypothesize is that he had to be embarrassed by the whole shindig. Like this was the last stop for him on the road to oblivion. "C'mon," I felt like saying, "You're Daniel fucking La Russo!!"



... Not to mention lost puppy Johnny Cade from "The Outsiders."
"DO IT FOR JOHNNY, MAN!! DO IT FOR JOHNNY!!"



So, buck up Ralph, you're a headliner... Next time, act like one. Be it. Feel it.

John Schneider - Like my buddy Joe proudly proclaimed, "I think I have a man crush on John Schneider." I dunno what they serve in the water out in La La Land - be it vitamins or human growth hormone - but the former Bo Duke of "The Dukes of Hazzard" looks not a day over 35. Seriously, he must have sold his soul to the devil. Life's been good to him and it shows.

What's more, he had a more-than-savvy autograph show presentation. His booth was stocked to the gills with goodies like DVD sets of "Smallville" (where he stars as Jonathan Kent), General Lee hats, 'Duke' T-shirts. PLUS ... he was the only Chiller guest celeb that I ever saw that had a MasterCard/Visa placard displayed on their table. He raked it in.

Barry Williams - Not sure how I felt about Greg Brady. I dunno, too many of these guys approach these shows as a business which is fine, but I don't want to KNOW THAT while I'm talking to them. I grew up watching many of these people and as an only child, they really did keep me company after school for hours at a time, To that end, it seems kinda wrong that Greggors is hawking his wrinkly, old "Brady Bunch" scripts and had tiki replicas available for signing. It screams a tad of desperation and a tad of "I don't care if I hold on to my life's keepsakes." It sort of cheapens the entire aura of a classic sitcom and what it means to the general audience who loved it. Suggestion to all celebs: Maybe keep it to 8 x 10s, a book you wrote and perhaps DVD sets (if you MUST peddle something of high value). The second certain stars start prepping custom guitar picks, G-Strings, baby doll shirts or whatever, it just seems that the fans are starting to get taken advantage of. And that's just wrong.

Erik Estrada - I'm bummed cuz I usually go for only one autograph per Chiller Show and Estrada would have been my second (behind Macchio). Growing up, "CHiPs' was the shit and Ponch was right up there behind The Fonz. While I didn't get to talk to Estrada, he was flashing those pearly whites, looked genuinely happy to be there and I suspect, did very well at the show. Perhaps next time...

Corey Haim - OK, I'm gonna admit that I watched "The Two Coreys" over the last summer, and while I thought that Haim looked like a would-be junkie, he looked more so in person. What's more, I was amazed that he appeared to be even more gaunt than he appeared on TV and much much smaller. He seemed to be having a genuinely busy time and seemed like a nice-as-heck dude. Just saying' ... The coffee swigging, twittery nature, sunglasses and string bean appearance concerned me.